10 Reasons Christians Aren’t Going To Church

This blog is only around 4,700 words, but I have been working on this study since November 2016. It started when I confronted a number of people I knew personally as to why they no longer attended the church I recently became Associate Pastor of. This interest in me, grew to ask the question with concern to anyone I knew, “why don’t you go to church?” But asking, more in particular, people who identify as “believers” or “Christians.”

Already I knew from the get go this question would be met with defensiveness if not addressed with the correct tone. Unfortunately, the majority of the time someone had already beat me to asking this question, and was not asked with love, concern, or mere curiosity. Instead, the majority of the time someone is confronted with why they don’t attend church, it’s asked with judgement, resentment and preconceived excuses drawn up in their head. In other words, like a poor journalist, the questioner already had the story written before the answer to the question was ever given.

When someone comes to Lowe’s and loves/hates their experience, they have an opportunity to voice their opinion online using a survey. Many in management and sales take these surveys very serious. It gives us insight to our customers that visit the store one time or many times. Occasionally, we get a customer so gravely disappointed with their experience here, they vow never to shop at our store again or even Lowe’s as a whole ever again. Their explanation is never dismissed as an excuse. Even if deep down we know that’s probably what it is, we examine the opinion and investigate how we can prevent it from happening again and how we can bring them back.

My whole life I’ve heard so many explanations why people don’t attend a certain church or church at all. More often than not, I continue to hear these opinions dismissed as just excuses. That these people just don’t have their heart right with God and if they did, they would still be in church. This blog isn’t meant to refute that arguement, but I pray you at least consider some of the “excuses” you hear as legitimate reasons people are not attending church especially if the reason seems to be a popular one.

For some of us, there is no excuse for not going. Every single time the doors are open, you should be there! Right? I mean, yes that is what the Bible says, in fact. But have we deluded the church experience down to something that is passable? Have we stained an environment so badly, people are trying to find ways to get out of it? Or are the people that weren’t there Sunday just apathetic?

For some of you, you will still unfortunately read this list as nothing more than excuses. Hopefully as we take another look at these reasons, we’ll understand that we have a responsibility as the Church to make our worship experience mean something again, without excuse. My prayer for those of you that have one of these reasons, is that you realize first that you aren’t alone. While there is no biblical reason not to attend a worship service, that does not give us the ok to make “church” as miserable as possible for everyone in attendance. Here now are ten reasons some Christians aren’t going to church.

10. I don’t want to go to church alone.

There is nothing more awkward than doing something alone. Ever went to Applebee’s by yourself? Dinner for one? Sounds awful doesn’t it? How about seeing a movie? Giant dark theater full of couples and cliques and there you are on an island of seats by yourself – gross. So it just makes sense if someone doesn’t want to go to church alone, right? But what’s the difference between dinner and a movie, and a church service? Well, for starters, a worship service should’t be a building full of strangers. When I go to Applebees, I don’t expect anyone but my server to approach me. At the movies, I don’t want anyone approaching me; I’m trying to watch movie. However, at a church service, it is the responsibility of everyone there to do what we call, edify. Webster defines it as a verb that is to teach (someone) in a way that improves the mind or character. This isn’t just standing in front of a crowd with a Bible and notepad.

More importantly, edification is more effectively presented through our actions and our very own character. Perhaps people wouldn’t feel so uncomfortable going to a church service alone if they knew what they were going to was more of a weekly family reunion that they’re a part of. An assembly called together for one purpose, not for ourselves, but for His glory. Sure, where two or more are gathered in His name, He is there in the midst. The challenging question then is how many of us at any given church service are gathered in His name? “Well I came to church today for the Lord.” Ok, gold star for you. Jesus went out of His way for those who were unimportant.

So, when you got to church Sunday, how determined were you to get the closest parking spot? Best seat in the house? Last to get there, first to leave? If you ever wonder why anyone at church feels alone or outright refuses to attend a worship service because they don’t want to go alone, ask yourself if you are inclusive or exclusive.

9. My kid has sports. 

I remember this one Sunday I left early to go to Starbucks and I passed by a park that had four baseball diamonds all filled with people. Now, maybe every community is different, but when I was in Little League, we played all of our games Saturday morning/afternoon with practice through the week. Even traveling teams and school teams played Monday through Saturday. So this whole playing on Sunday business for little kids is weird. High school and college had tournaments all the time for swimming, tennis, soccer, etc on Sunday though. The older they get, the more time the sport certainly demands.

So what do we do about this? If someone thinks their child is the next Michael Phelps, how do we get them to see  that they need to be in church on Sunday? You can’t. So stop. Just stop. Quit telling kids the sport they are so passionate about has become nothing more than an idol. I mean, keep on, but I assure you, you’ll never see them in church even during the off season.  We say these things and then in the same breath praise the likes of Tim Tebow for being an outstanding child of God, forgetting how many Sunday Schools he undoubtedly missed before winning a championship in Florida.

We need to focus on making our worship services a can’t miss opportunity instead of a don’t miss event. Make sure you, yourself are there for right reasons. Last I checked, God didn’t call anyone to be the roll call leader. He’ll work on your heart of reasoning just as fast as their heart of intention. Being there isn’t enough so it is foolish to get hung up on. Make sure you’re there and there to worship, not judge those who aren’t there.

8. I can do church at home.

And I can have a frozen tv dinner, but if somebody invited me over for steak and baked potatoes with all the fixings, I think I’m gonna go there for food. If people would rather stay home than serve with you, you need to check what you’re offering. The can’t miss opportunity should offer the gotta have meal.

The experience at your church should feel different than someone’s living room. We can dismiss this reason as someone’s “lazy excuse,” but perhaps if our worship service wasn’t a lazy excuse for one and the message preached was brought with passion, they would feel like they gotta be there to see what God is going to do next.

7. It’s The Same Ol’ Thing Every Week

If everyone is just going through the motions and a Sunday service is going to be the same ol’ thing this week as it was the week before, this reason is going to trend. I can remember speaking at a church and nearly seven years later I spoke at the same church again. The music was the same. The atmosphere was the same. But more staggering, I saw the same people minus two or three. So in seven years I felt like I hadn’t missed anything new. In seven years, I shouldn’t know hardly anyone there because of all the new lives the church has reached since my last visit. That’s seven years not missing a thing. We should have people feeling like they missed out after one week, one opportunity to serve God.

6. I’ll watch the livestream.

Oh, technology. Man’s latest invention, Satan’s newest toy. Ten years ago, your church was happening if you had a website. Now you have to have numerous social media sites including Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram and that website has to be popping. Most modern churches use lighting to set moods and the art of visual presentation for music lyrics, scripture readings and relevant videos is growing fancier and more slick by the day. Free wifi has become as necessary to millennials as a public restroom. We can hate technology all we want, or learn to embrace it.

Things like the recording of church services still remain area of contention in some churches. I can remember as a kid hearing church attendees object to televising their services or recording them because, “if people want to see our services, they should show up and be here for them.” Now through the use of various technologies including  Facebook’s livestream feature, churches can air their services live online at no cost. It’s effortless to get a church’s services out there online through various avenues. These livestreams or podcasts are in no way meant to be a substitute to serving in a local church, but just an add on to what you are currently experiencing. Sure, there are some unable to attend church. Perhaps shut ins or in the hospital for whatever reason. However, if you are able, I pray you are willing.

I can watch a video of riding Splash Mountain at Disneyland on YouTube, but riding it in person is so much better. Seeing people encounter God is such an awesome moment to witness, but experiencing God yourself is so much better. We need to have tools out there for people to use, and we cannot forget to preach the urgency of experiencing Christ and growing in relationship with not only Christ, but fellow believers.

5. You don’t have to go to church to be a Christian.

This is where defining what the word church means might help better understand why this is a broken ideology. So here comes a bit of a language lesson. Boring? Maybe. Important? Most certainly. See, the word church comes from this Greek word kuriakos. There’s just one problem here: That’s not the word used in the original translation that would later receive the English translated word, church. 115 times the word ecclesia is used in the King James Version Bible and 112 times it is translated incorrectly with the word, church.

Acts 19 contains the only three correct translations of ecclesia translating it, assembly. The Greek word ecclesia is correctly defined as, “The called out ones” [ECC = out; KALEO = call]. In Acts 19, it was simply a town council, a civil body in Ephesus. According to Encyclopedia Britannica: In the New Testament, “ecclesia” (signifying convocation) is the only single word used for church. It (ecclesia) was the name given to the governmental assembly of the city of Ephesus, duly convoked (called out) by proper officers and possessing all political power including even juridical functions. 

So why bring all this to your attention? Because “church” is NOT a building. Church is not an event. Church is a PEOPLE. I heard a preacher say one time that you are not called to attend to church, you are called to be the church. The Christian life was never meant to be lived alone. Each Christian is gifted to serve each other, so how can do that alone? It is near impossible to live a Christian life alone, it runs counter to everything God has done for us. So as a church we must be inclusive. God’s love is for all. If you can’t love those He’s placed in the Church, you will fail miserably in loving those in the mission field (your community).

4. I  don’t get anything out of church – the sermon or the music. I don’t get fed.

I can remember when I was a kid, there was Ms Elaine at the piano, Ms Janice on the organ, and Ms Jeanne aka Mema who directed the choir and congregation. I was infatuated by Mema’s talent. She always sang with a smile. She had a beautiful voice and ability to chorale the audience and choir. My dad was the pastor and following a half dozen songs from the congregation and choir, he’d get up and preach for 30-45 minutes, we’d sing one more congregational song and then dismiss. That doesn’t include the 45 minute Sunday School educational class beforehand or the ten minute devotional from Uncle Bob before that. It was nothing to go to Church on Sunday and be there for 6 hours as we had both a Sunday morning and evening service that we made mandatory for everyone to attend both.

The Church experience is evolving. What used to be three services a week you have to attend, is changing to one on the weekend of your choosing, maybe a mid-week service, and a Life Group, Small Group, Recovery Group, Community Group, whatever your church calls it that meets sporadically depending on the group’s purpose. Then there’s classes maybe for those interested in discipleship or baptism, celebrate recovery, youth gatherings, and in-home Bible studies. Music once was simply a hymn book and piano, has evolved to full bands, music on screen on the stage and emotionally driven worship leaders. Is this evolution wrong? Not with the right heart. When anything you do as a church is not done with the right heart however, do not expect positive results. If you are still singing from a hymn book with no production, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. If the services are being conducted as such though because, “it’s the way we’ve always done it,” expect nothing more than apathy from your congregation.

Does your church experience feel like a graveside service or a wedding celebration? Many feel they are not getting fed because the church experience has become bland, without substance, or completely irrelevant to the current times. A bland service, without substance, can just easily happen in the contemporary church. Everything we do in His house must bring HIM glory. You must take a back seat.

I have witnessed young people leave the traditional church just under the reason that they’re longing for something different, something real. How sad that we can have the truth, yet present it so poorly that other believers leave in hopes of finding something better. What many will find is something presented that looks fresh and new, but lacks depth in doctrine and teaching. They’ll find a congregation that practices the love of God more effectively, but lacks in true biblical doctrine.

Why are we forcing people today to choose a church that is good at either doctrine or practice? An effective Church of Jesus Christ does both. An effective church should be finding new doors to open, not living in fear of when their doors will close. We must follow the commission by living the commandment He gave us first. If you can’t love people in their current condition the same way Christ does, don’t expect your method of sharing the Gospel to be effective. We have to present the Gospel in a relevant way completely immersed in the love of God.

3. I have been hurt by The Church.

This has become too common a practice by churches, but is not a new practice. There has never been a perfect church. There will always be problems within a church because sinners are in charge. I heard a professor jokingly say all the time in seminary that ministry would be a lot easier if people weren’t involved. Most, if not all, of the letters inscribed in the New Testament following the Gospels were written to solve problems in the church. The churches in Galatia had serious issues with legalism (Galatians 1:6–7, 3:1–3, 4:9, 5:1). Colossi had problems with heresy (Colossians 2:4, 8). Paul’s second letter to Timothy was an attempt to solve tension in succession (2 Timothy 4:9–16). Paul’s letter to the Philippians exposed problems with selfish ambition (Philippians 2:3–22). Both of his letters to the Corinthians clearly showed a host of problems that centered around the issues of pride in gifting and speaking that eventually led to loveless and arrogant religious activity. Even in John’s Revelation, the first few chapters all deal with churches with unhealthy practices. One of which is so unhealthy, it makes Jesus want to vomit (Revelation 3:16). So problems with churches hurting people is not a new practice, but a practice that should not be dismissed.

The greatest reason people get hurt in the church amongst these hosts of reasons is the lack of love and understanding. Are some people hard to live with? Absolutely. Is this an excuse to dismiss them? Love anyway. It seems impossible in the moment, but it’s the call of every Christian in every situation. In the end, you must love (1 Corinthians 13:13). And without love, our lives will be meaningless and unfruitful (1 Corinthians 13:1–3). Love covers a multitude of sins. The reason is feels impossible is because it is! That’s the beauty of it though. God commanded us to do something He knew we couldn’t accomplish on our own. We need to see others the way He sees us.

Love as if your life depends on it. Love because you know there’s something in your life that only you may know, but if everyone did, it would make you unlovable. To love someone is to seek his best. I can find someone frustrating, but still genuinely and truly want what is best for him. Love does not mean avoiding accountability or church discipline, but doing those sorts of things from a loving and patient standpoint which is from a mind and heart like Christ’s. Jesus said you could tell his disciples by how they love one another (John 13:35), and so we who are loved by Him, love like Him. As someone or the Church as a whole seems to have turned on you, remember that He hasn’t. Remember that just as much as one person thinks they have greater stock in the love of God than you, they could never be more wrong. You are not lesser a member of the body than anyone else no matter your age or time invested.

So as you remember that you are the body of Christ, you cannot avoid the above mentioned love that others must have toward you, you must have toward them. Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. once said, “Every day I meet young people whose disappointment with the church has turned into outright disgust.” This ought to shame those who have effected these young people, but those hurt, you need to come to a place in your life where you forgive. Forgiveness doesn’t always come after an apology. God’s people can be some of the most cut throat, merciless people using the most powerful weapon: their mouth. What then do you do? Love anyway. Love as if your life depends on it. Quit going to church for the people who attend, and start going to experience the God who dwells there. Make sure that when you go to church, that you at least bring Jesus with you. Don’t let Him be outside knocking on the door of His own house; how embarrassing. Love anyway, love always.

2. The Church is full of hypocrites. 

It may be hard to admit this, but people aren’t leaving churches because they don’t want the truth. Quite the contrary. People have never been more hungry for truth. You can post anything you like on Facebook, and you will have an audience that believes it. No, the reason the majority reject Christianity or leave church is for moralistic reasons. 85% of nonbelievers reject Christianity, according to a recent survey done by Pew Research Center, because of the hypocrisy they find in the Christians themselves. Have you ever considered the way you live and treat others could keep others from knowing Christ?

American Physicist, Steven Weinberg said, “Good people will do good things, bad people will do bad things, but for good people to do bad things, that takes religion.” Face it… Religious people can be dangerous if their source isn’t God alone. They will quote scripture out of context to defend their judgement, hatred and bigotry. Still don’t think religion can be dangerous? It had fueled wars, oppression, witch hunts, murder, and homophobia all through history. More recently, one can point to the bombing of abortion clinics, 9/11, ISIS, countless school shootings, all done in the name of, “God.”

Disgusting acts have been committed in the name of Christ, and we have to be careful that we don’t defend these actions. We have to approach those who have been hurt by the church, especially other Christians, with love and humility. The church is filled with people who aren’t actually Christians. I know, tell you something you don’t know. Churches are filled with people who attend every Sunday, but they don’t actually know, love, or walk with God at all. They have taken on a culture, but no relationship. Jesus even calls them hypocrites in Matthew 23:13. When you adopt the culture and drop the faith, you create the image problem for Christianity.

If there is no statistical difference between someone who goes to church and someone who doesn’t, why go? Can you imagine the disappointment for so many? They see people who claim to be morally upright yet look, sound, act, and live no different than anyone else in the world. The very world that has hurt them, let the down, rejected them. This reason is heartbreaking because I’m guilty of it. I try my best to be aware of it, but I know there were countless times I quietly shunned someone because I felt I was doing more for Christ than they were. Then spend five seconds looking into my life and you could easily see the hypocrisy in such a thought. You cannot effectively quietly judge someone. They’ll pick up on it and they won’t just judge you, they’ll place blame on the Church or worse, Jesus Christ.

That place you go to every Sunday you call church, isn’t yours. It doesn’t matter how many years you’ve invested or how many people you know or what title you hold. The Church is His. Jesus paid the ultimate price for His bride, so you cannot for a second try and claim her for your possession. As much as we say, “my church,” is she really yours? The Church of the Lord Jesus Christ was not established to be the symbol of perfection, but the representation of grace and love. Love because that is who God is and we are to reflect Him and when we don’t, we embrace His grace. But we must understand the weight of responsibility an ambassador has. When we fail to represent Christ, we give millions a reason never to go to church, never to experience Him.

1. I have no place there.  

If this weren’t a legitimate reason some Christians don’t go to church, the other reasons on this list wouldn’t exist. Think about it: If a person had a sense of belonging in church, why would they be ok watching it from their computer? Why would they feel like they’re not being fed? Why would they look so pessimistically at the Body of Christ as a whole and claim it’s full of hypocrites if they had a place in the Church? The sad reality is, this is easily the vast reason many good God fearing people no longer go to church.

It is easy to miss something that doesn’t miss you. This is the reason your youth group was so big in junior high/high school, and it’s down to two young couples from the once promising future. If your young people have no sense of belonging, they’ll go somewhere that gives them that purpose they’re looking for. Even if it has no more truth in it than that crazy article your grandma shared on Facebook.

There is a hunger for truth today not seen in our society’s history. People are less naive and want to know how the impossible works. The phrase, “because I said so,” just doesn’t work as effectively anymore. We want to know, why? So when you get in the business of telling people all about the transformative, inclusive, free-for-all, love of God, but you haven’t shown fruit of transformation and treat being a Christian like an exclusive, gotta work for it, country club, you’re going to hurt a lot of people.

How many people in the world today feel there is no place for them in Christianity because of their sexual orientation? The color of their skin? How many Christians feel they have no place in the Church because they’re a woman and their only place of ministry is bake sales and nursery rhymes? How humiliated do we have to make the alcoholic/adulterer/drug addict feel before him or her can have their place in the Church? How many young people are told all about their potential and what great things they’re going to do for the Lord in the future, but given little worth for the here and now?

You are loved. You are cherished. You are sacred. You, I don’t care who you are, you have a place in His kingdom, for His glory, in His church. The opportunity to grow in your relationship with Christ matures in the Church. Please do not let anyone keep you from your potential. Be relentless in your pursuit for your calling. Satan himself will do everything in his power to stop you. Through discouragement, through doubt, through fear; whatever it takes. Pursue Christ with everything you have.

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You may think you don’t have to go to church to be a Christian. You may think that going to church defines one as a Christian. You may see the Church as a bad apple or a precious fruit. All of us need to stop going to church and start belonging to one. A family isn’t something you attend – a family is something you’re a part of. We have to hold ourselves accountable, but do so with enormous amounts of love and grace that can only be channeled through the Spirit of God.

We have to stop furthering our devotions with associations, religious groups, political parties, cookie cut ideas of what the All-American Christian looks like over the principals that Jesus Himself established His church upon. He was faithful to one thing: God. Not his culture. Not his religion. Not his government. Just God. My prayer is that this blog will bring light to those struggling, but more than anything that this will begin a discussion among the few of you that read it about the serious responsibility the Lord’s churches have and ask ourselves, are we doing all that we can? Or are we just giving people reasons to never experience God for themselves?Signing out for now. Talk to you again soon. Thanks for reading.