Fighting

I am blessed beyond all measure. God has given me so much and brought me through everything. He’s never left me. I tried running from Him. He simply remained and waited. When I came back to Him, in my shame and grief, wanting nothing but His grace, He received me with open arms.

While I am overwhelmed by the love of God, I grieve immensely as I do not know which monster I despise more – cancer or depression. While one eats away at the body, the other feasts on the mind. While cancer brings with it an unwanted audience of sympathy and pity, depression often distances people when you need them most.

Cancer’s misconception is that it’s unbeatable. Depression’s misconception is that’s avoidable. “You just need more faith.” “Don’t get bitter, get better.” Prayer is not depression’s chemo. It operates like cancer though, in that it can start small and spread rapidly especially if gone untreated. Depression can’t kill you? Ha, if you only knew. Yeah, sure, it’s easy to preach, but once you’ve lived it, once you’ve seen it work…

Once you get cancer, you never really lose it. In the best world, it goes into remission. It’s there, but it no longer has its effects. My father’s had it twice, and hasn’t battled it for over a decade, but he still gets check ups just to make sure it isn’t rearing it’s ugly head. Once you battle depression, for some, they never really defeat it. In the best world, it goes into remission.

Depression is avoidable? Yeah, similar to not smoking a pack a day will keep me from getting lung cancer. But what about a brain tumor? Did a 30 year old ask for that? I didn’t think so. You think people want to be depressed? You think they do it for attention? Again, if you only knew. Depression is a hungry beast that shows no favor. Sure, the older you get, the more likely you are to get it. But tell the 9 year old who’s father overdosed that she’s too young to be depressed and before you know it, she’s 14 addicted to the same thing that put her dad six feet under.

I know this post is dark and gloomy. I just wanted to leave this here to tell you, the fighters, the survivors, from either monster, keep. on. fighting. Keep moving forward. Keep overcoming. Know that you are loved and appreciated for all that you do. I can’t imagine the demons you’re facing. I know that you know He is greater, but incase it slipped your mind today, God is greater.

To those who feel their loved ones “lost” their battle, knowing Christ, the perfection they’re seeing today with their eyes feels like anything but a loss. I pray you see in the dark days that faith is the victory. What a glorious message to preach, what a straining one to try and live. I genuinely look forward to the day that I will be as He is for all eternity. I will celebrate that day because there will be no more monsters. Signing out for now. Talk to you again soon. Thanks for reading.

I love you, Dad.